A Child Like Mine

Written for thoughtful insight:

I hope that someday soon your child meets a child like mine.  She is intelligent, funny, opinionated, and passionate about life.  From an early age her hero has been Gandhi and she is naturally focused on justice and human rights.  She loves purple fingernail polish and painting.  She also uses a wheelchair, has a feeding tube and is unable to speak.  Although she has a rather primitive communication device, her main form of communication is eye gaze.  She is definitely differently abled!

You are likely to find her (and other differently abled children and adults) at the library, in the grocery store, at a museum, in the swimming pool, at a restaurant, or even in line to ride an elephant.  Your child will notice!  It is hard not to stare at the wheelchair, the feeding tube, the wild colorful shoes, or the ornery smile.  There is no reason to be embarrassed by your child gaze or even comments.  It is a learning moment.

Here are some suggestions to help both of you through the uncomfortable first encounters and meetings.

1.  Be proactive by exposing your child to differently abled people.  A Sesame Street video, Me and My Chair can be found at  www.youtube.com/watch?v=JhC7CJPdvOc; coloring and activity sheets are available at http://blog.easystand.com/activity-sheets/; information about kids who are blind http://kidshealth.org/kid/health_problems/sight/visual_impaired.html. From time to time differently abled people appear in books, movies, and magazines which is great time for a discussion.

2. Answer your child’s questions when they come.  Short honest answers are best in public but later is a good time for a more in depth conversation. Be sure to ask if the explanation actually answers the child’s question. In my experience children very often view things differently than I do. I once answered a child’s question, “what’s wrong with her?” with a simple answer about my child’s need for a wheelchair when what the child was really asking was why she was angry.

3. Always assume a differently abled person is intelligent.  There is nothing more annoying than to be talked down to.   Baby talk and talking louder are signs of ignorance not compassion.

4.  Avoid feeling sorry for someone who is differently abled.  What may appear to you as tragic is often someone else’s normal.  The person is not a miracle, a saint, or “special.”

5. Remember that the person who is differently abled is first and foremost a person with all the same feelings, joys, and struggles as anyone else.